"For You To Notice Me"

i'm starting to fashion an idea in my head
where i would impress you with every single word i said
would come out insightful or brave or smooth or charming
and you'd want to call me
and i would be there every time you need me
i'd be there every time
but for now i'll look so longingly
waiting
for you to want me
for you to need me
for you to notice me

... she's back

ok, i've been busy...

Yes, yes, yes, sorry, sorry sorry, to all (1 or 2 of you) who come to read my blog. It has almost been a year now since I last posted on here. For that I'm sorry. I've been busy with work, and play.

Play you ask? well not so much in the girlfriend area but with friends. Old ones and new ones, as i recall now from this past year. Hmm I'm getting this end of year/new years feeling now recapping the past years events... odd.

So here is a quick rundown of the past year in a semi order.
- may last year new phone
- new managers at my work (they rock)
- wii
- spent halloween down in nj with Aaron and Crystal a fucking blast with them have to do it more often, and had a great time playing wii with them.
- worked over a month and 1/2 with no day off
- worked thanksgiving
- worked 29 hours in the store the day before into xmas eve
- worked on xmas
- great b-day
- partys
- drinking
- found out that everyone is leaving my store but for me and one of my assistants
- already dreading later this month when 2 of my best workers and good friends are leaving.
- and maybe working on a new version of the site since i've not touched it in a year.

ya never know i might do it... heh

honesty

Well, Deathscythe, (my computer) is sick and in the hospital. it got some type of bug, that was in a picture that someone sent me, i didn't think much of it at the time and thought i had deleted it, but yet had not done a virus check before i had to reboot my computer for another reason. stupid yes i know. so things were going fine with the start up, until the computer wanted to go into the log on screen after the xp logo. thats when it just checks A: drive and then sits there, doing nothing. same if i do safe mode, loads up divers and then sits there doing nothing but showing the list of drivers.

oh and btw yahoo and msn stoped working for me at the same time, and i can't access those accounts for blindsyntax at all. so its odd...

so i'm hoping that computer hospital can fix this problem without a reformat. if not then so be it. at least i have that 300 gig hard dirve in there now with all the pics/vids and programs, the only thing thats not on there is the installed progs and of course the o/s. i guess this will give me the excuse to install some extra RAM in it that i've been wanting to 512 isn't cutting it for me anymore heh.

in other news, now that i dont have my computer here, i'm using the lap top i use for when i do mr. computer man work. its ok, but i don't have my favorites of web sites to surf. and stuff like that. but i do have the chat stuff to talk to my friends, and its got me thinking about stuff, what excactly i'm not sure, but stuff like letting go. letting go of what, again i'm not sure, but perhaps something like a security blanket of some sort.

and another thing, i'm single, why is it every girl who knows me is like, why are you single that doesn't make sense. my reply is if i knew why i was single then i prob wouldn't be now would i. and this is true. i don't want to be single i want a girlfriend. i want an emotional connection with someone else that i can share stuff with, as well as mind blowing sex, but i digress.

so with that i've been playing on okcupid the past day or 2 and thinking, dare i say go back to myspace and maybe look around, although i think myspace is kinda lameish now, but its great for keeping in contact with friends, but not when that entails stalking their friends list and bitching about who's in the top 8/12/16/ what ever...

also moving out would be a good thing, but lil zoom zoom needs to get paid off first, another year or a big fucking raise would do.

so thats my lil ramblings for now, i'm sure when i get the new comp back there will be a new redesign to this sight just like when deathscythe had to be reformated 4 or so years ago and lost everything, that is everything that wasn't on the server, ah remember that people the few of you that actually come to this site. the per ver of this site, digi the digital world of me, yeah then i was a different person, the person still in the shell, the shell that didn't get broken fully from kat, but started to be chipped from robin. its funny every time i grow in some way the site changes too. thats interesting something to think about... i wish i had my computer here to draw with, my fast amout of clip art images, although thinking about that right now, i'd prob do another set or 2 of mandalas, and speaking of that... i never posted those 4 that i have recently made. well if i saved them on the right drive and they are then when i get the comp back i'll post them for ya :)

Pick up lines, and replys

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

Bootycall Commandments

I.
Thou shalt get out before the sun rises

II.
Thou shouldest never ask "can we see each other from now on?"

III.
Thou shalt refrain from referring to our activities as "love making."

IV.
Thou shalt not request advanced plans.

V.
Thou shalt kiss anything except my mouth.

VI.
Thou shalt scream my name often

VII.
If someone cometh over whilst thou art here, thou art my cousin from out of town.

VIII.
Thou shalt not ask me to walk thee to thy car. Don't thou knoweth what it looketh like?

IX.
There shall be no "pillow talk."

X.
There shall be no cuddling -- ever!

something to live by

Nothing lasts forever
so live it up
drink it down
laugh it off
avoid the bullshit
take chances
and NEVER have regrets
because at one point
EVERYTHING you did
was EXACTLY what you wanted

- taken from a friends profile

Deep man, deep.

Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty.

I distance my self from the ones I love
for unknown reasons even to my self
things are going well despite other thoughts
today starts anew
the beginning is born

no title

my eyes are closed i'm not looking
it will find me and make me happy
that is what they say will happen
i dont belive them, cause i have no luck
would be nice if i dont have to be the proactive one for once
have her come up to me and ask whats up
that would be a nice change of things

something from an old writing that i once wrote some time ago... when does the nice guy finish first? i'd just like to know, cause well it never seems to happen, never at all, just my luck, it all plainly sucks

sleeping in this bed of loneliness

sleeping in this bed of loneliness
the bed that matches the heart
that singular muscle that feels so single
the only time you dont want to be no. 1
but rather a half of the whole

i was just wondering

i was just wondering...

whats it like to hold someone in your arms that cares about you

whats it like to cuddle with someone

whats it like to feel special

whats it like to feel lucky

whats it like to feel wanted

whats it like to be wanted

whats it like to be lucky

whats it like to be special

i was just wondering...

...cause i forgot

not mine but i like it

In every heart there is a room

A sanctuary safe and strong

To heal the wounds from lovers past

Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones

You answered me with no pretense

And still I feel I said too much

My silence is my self defense

And every time I've held a rose

It seems I only felt the thorns

And so it goes, and so it goes

And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave

Then that would be my worst mistake

So I will share this room with you

And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed

It's just as well for all I've seen

And so it goes, and so it goes

And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you

That's if the choice were mine to make

But you can make decisions too

And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes and so it goes

And you're the only one who knows

Words to live by

Play like an allstar,

bang like a pornstar,

party like a rockstar!

sleep

sleeep

in my bed

that is me

empty is the bed

empty are my arms

empty is my heart

One Drink

i just stoped in for one drink

one drink is all i wanted

the drink that will help me think

the drink that won't make me daunted

The Single Slumber

lonely in my bed

the blankets are the one i hold

she's missing from my side

the single slumber

i was just wondering...

whats it like to hold someone in your arms that cares about you

whats it like to cuddle with someone

whats it like to feel special

whats it like to feel lucky

whats it like to feel wanted

whats it like to be wanted

whats it like to be lucky

whats it like to be special

i was just wondering...

...cause i forgot

i dont want to be home

i dont want to be lonely

i dont want to be by my self

i dont want to live here any more

i dont want to be single any more

i dont want to be the only one in my bed

i dont want to feel this way any more

i dont want to feel out ranked

i dont want to feel out of place

i dont want to be in last place

i dont want to be the friend any more

i dont want to be that great guy



i dont want any of it,

im sick of it all

a repost from april 9th, followed by something new

------------------------

the thoughts in my head

stem from the loneliness of my bed



confused is the heart

it doesn't know where to end or start



friends all around

some happiness could be found



it happened once before

and it was sworn never again no more



time went slow and fast

feelings have lingered into the past



someone new

came out of the blue



it was ended with a sigh

a quick two months went by



people came and went

but no effort was needed or spent



then someone new arrived

for so long i've been deprived



where will this go

i dont seem to be in the know



the time doesn't seem right

i'll just give in and probably loose another fight



these words have been said

from the thoughts in my head

----------------------------



well I didn't give in

I stood up and gave it a shot



I didn't lose nor did I win

a relationship I didn't get but a friend I still got



those words in my head

the thoughts that I've said



the key to my protection

a missed vote for the election



another experienced gained

another lesson learned



reasons were explained

a new direction turned



happiness comes in many forms

and sometimes you don't get them in the norms



loneliness also comes and goes

and that's all right too I suppose



but in the end everything works out

it's part of life to find what it's all about